Monday, January 31, 2011

Recovering isn't an Easy Thing...

Recovering is not easy. Okay so this is truly a Duhhh statement, but I didn't expect for it to be so difficult. I thought I'd make a promise to myself and withhold that promise....But I failed to remember my insanity- or rather this raging, crazy voice inside my head telling me to hate myself. 
I relapsed today. Binged and purged. I thought that I was completely done with that. After my nightmare of my pearly whites falling out and turning to little brown nubs (probably the most impacting dream I've ever had) I promised myself I would NEVER make myself throw up again. But it's like I threw everything out the damn theoretical window and decided to break my vow. I am so sorry for my poor body, my vessel I should treat with the utmost care- since it's the only one I've been given and it has to last me a while. 
I still have hope. I'm still on that road of recovery. Sure it's winding and steep and scary and long but not impossible to take. I'm determined to take this jounrey to health. Weight doesn't matter anymore. Size is absolute. The essentials, the lone essentials are my health and happiness.
And cheers to that. 

I can't say I will never do IT again, because who knows what, excuse my language, shit can happen inside my confused mind of mine  But I sure hope I will never allow myself to get into that situation. I need to listen to my heart because it's screaming at me to get better.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Challenge: A Better Body

Feeling good about yourself is essential to finding joy, and of course physical and mental health. I'm not talking becoming skin and bones or that "perfect body weight." Rather, being fit and healthy. I'm definitely not fat AT ALL. I sure feel it sometimes but that's beside the point. Everyone has tidbits about themselves they wish they could alter. My not-so-great body attributes would be my stomach. I look fairly skinny everywhere but the middle.
Basically the foods I love are making my belly flab stick around- even with all the crunches and running. Crappy junk-food leads way to a crappy body, for me at least.
So here's my CHALLENGE (A challenge for sure): Eat only pure foods. No more white, empty carbohydrates. No more empty calories. NO MORE JUNK! 

Pure foods like vegetables, fruits, whole grains (like quiona, rice, and whole wheat bread), and proteins (like tofu, tempeh, nuts).

This is my body before: 

I'm totally trying to hide my bod...BUT as you can see, my stomach needs to decrease in size! And it will!

The AFTER shot is in progress....