Monday, December 27, 2010

Confession Time

The left picture is in 8th grade when I started "dieting" or rather starving myself. The right is about 4 years later and 10 or so pounds gained. I may weigh more now but I am way more happy!
In all honesty, I have not been spending my time wisely. I'm a big procrastinator, I spend way too much time on the computer, I watch more television than I should, and I'm prefer to be lazy. I'm definitely  not perfect. I've had my fair share of sufferings, some which I'd can't elaborate on. For the past few years I've dealt with eating problems. Hopefully I can overcome them, hopefully I can work out my body issues and learn to love myself for who I am. 

I weigh about 135. I'm 18 years old and am 5 feet 6 inches. I'm normal! But there's a part of me that wishes I could always be better, thinner, smarter. It's ridiculous. It seems since about 8th grade I've tried to become someone else. I started dying my hair red, wearing green contacts, and became super thin. I thought by transforming myself I'd become happy. Only it made things far worse. I'm now obsessive with food, my body, and little things I know don't really matter. In a way, even if it pretty much sucks to admit, I'm a wreck. But then again who isn't these days? 
Perhaps I'll take my transgressions and use them in a way that will help me grow. If I become an actress, a writer, photographer, or what ever I find do with my life, I know I'll have my past to influence my choices. 
I pray I can discover the path to happiness. 
Looking is the first step. 

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